I’ve been wondering about what love is. It seems people have very different understandings of it. I currently think of love as a pleasurable emotion that can be felt for children, parents, friends, pets and romantic partners.

I heard a buddhist monks saying that giving love means wishing others to be happy. That might be it. But here are my thoughts on what it is and isn’t 🙂

Love isn’t making sure someone is happy

There’s no way to really make sure someone else is happy. You could do everything they ask for, and they can still find things to be unhappy about. Our emotions are there for each one of us to learn to get along with. This includes realising our tendencies to seek approval and forget to appreciate. Pleasing and obeying isn’t love, but giving up.

Love isn’t fixing

It’s tempting to think the other person would be better off if they followed our way of thinking. After all, it’s been working for us. But they’ve come this far in life without us fixing them. How can we be so sure? Forcing our ideas on others isn’t love.

Love isn’t rationalising

Weighing the pros and cons of a situation isn’t love. Love is probably more of a function of the heart than the brain.

Love is trust

Love is taking the leap of faith to speak your mind and knowing that you both have each other’s best interests at heart.

Love is appreciating

Love is seeing someone’s strengths and admiring them.

Love is support

Love is believing in the person, even when they don’t. It’s about encouraging and bringing out the best of them, as they define it.

Love is resonance

Love is the resonance when people get along. Love is like a song. There’s sometimes tension, but the tension keep it interesting and make you feel more at home when it gets resolved.

Love is accepting

Love is accepting the person just the way they are. To understand that they have their ideas and emotions, and that they aren’t your belonging.

On romantic love

Once a friend told me that you can’t find the perfect person, but you can make the person you choose the perfect one in your world. I thought it sounded beautiful and wise, and I liked the idea because it felt like I had control.

Now I’m not sure if romantic love is a choice, but I think we can make life easier for ourselves if we made some choices.

People have different ideas of what kind of life and relationships they want. It’s important to openly communicate what each other wants. People have expectations because of their backgrounds, but they may be unacceptable to you.

I loved the advice from the Fuck Yes or No article. Let’s give it a go 🙂

• Love
• relationships
• What is love